Stuart C. Henry - "Self - Remembered" (March 15, 1964)

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	(traditional church piano music)	0:11
	(traditional church piano music)	0:15
	(traditional church piano music)	0:19
	(traditional church piano music)	0:23
	(traditional church piano music)	0:26
	(traditional church piano music)	0:27
	(member of congregation coughs)	0:38
Preacher	In the name of the father, and the son,	0:42
	and of the holy ghost. Amen.	0:45
	Sometimes,	0:58
	the smallest key	0:59
	can unlock the door that opens onto vast experience.	1:03
	God does thrust eternity upon a grain of dust	1:11
	or speak to man about the kingdom.	1:17
	In terms of a cup of cold water,	1:21
	freely shared.	1:24
	So let me begin by speaking to you	1:28
	of one who discovered wisdom	1:31
	in a crumb of cake	1:35
	and in the taste of lamb water tea.	1:39
	The individual	1:43
	for whom such unlikely circumstance	1:46
	and such ordinary objects	1:48
	became the occasion of understanding	1:51
	something of the essence of life,	1:54
	was a man of middle years.	1:57
	It happened that as he sat at cakes and tea,	2:01
	he was overcome with an uneasy, disturbing feeling.	2:06
	But he was acting a part that had been played	2:12
	in another place,	2:16
	and at another time.	2:18
	That all of this had somehow happened to him before.	2:20
	And then all at once the fragrance and the taste	2:26
	recall to him another situation	2:32
	and with the magic persistence of memory, the years resolved	2:36
	and he returned to the world of his childhood	2:42
	where he had eaten and drunk, just such fare as this.	2:46
	And he saw again, the village of Cumbrae.	2:52
	Where he used, with his family, to go on vacations	2:56
	in the summer.	2:59
	He saw the shape of the village, and the color	3:01
	of the sky, and the spurs of the churches clean against it.	3:04
	He breathed again the fragrance of the lilac	3:10
	and the Hawthorne, which lined away along	3:13
	which he used to go on the unhurried walks in deep summer.	3:17
	And he saw another roadway that wound	3:22
	beside a river	3:24
	and by a château .	3:26
	He heard once more the voices of those whom he used to greet	3:29
	on his walks.	3:33
	The doctor, the village priest.	3:35
	And as he reconstructed the life in Cumbrae.	3:39
	Most of all he remembered what it was like	3:42
	to be alive there.	3:46
	And he remembered something about himself.	3:48
	Remembered about himself and understood	3:52
	and saw himself,	3:54
	truly in a way	3:56
	that he never had	3:58
	before.	3:59
	Thus can a crumb of cake	4:02
	and a taste of tea conjure up the past	4:04
	and speak to man of truth.	4:08
	But what happened to Marcel Proust, which he has described	4:13
	in remembrance of things past,	4:16
	can and does happen again and again	4:19
	to you and to me.	4:22
	Unexpectedly, we hear a strain	4:25
	of music. Where have we heard it before?	4:27
	And unbidden the walls of our childhood rise up about us.	4:31
	For this was that piece which was played	4:35
	over and over again.	4:39
	As we sat, rested and weary beneath the stern eye	4:41
	of a martinet, waiting for the rehearsal	4:45
	finally to be finished.	4:48
	And we returned to our childhood because of a sound	4:50
	that we have heard. Or we snuff out the candle	4:54
	and the pungent odor	4:58
	of the smoking wick	4:59
	recalls to us again, briefly but vividly	5:01
	that perfect holiday when we were very young	5:05
	and life was all sparkle and star shine.	5:10
	And yet the amazing thing is	5:15
	that we remember always more	5:18
	than the sound of the rhythm or the echo of the direction.	5:20
	We hear the music,	5:25
	but we remember the voices of our childhood.	5:27
	And sometimes even the voices of heaven	5:30
	against which we have stopped our ears, long since.	5:33
	Or we catch the pungent odor of the smoke ascending	5:38
	from the snapped out candle and through the feathery wisps.	5:43
	We see not alone our childhood	5:47
	but we recall our lost innocence	5:51
	and we weep for it.	5:55
	And long to return again	5:57
	to that Eden,	5:59
	our ancient homestead.	6:00
	It is ever thus with memory.	6:03
	The sight,	6:05
	the sound,	6:06
	the taste,	6:07
	the sensation.	6:08
	These things recall to us days long past.	6:10
	And yet the significance is	6:14
	that we remember far more than the thing	6:16
	which we do remember,	6:19
	or let me put it to you this way.	6:21
	When Judas Iscariot foully betrayed Jesus, his master	6:24
	and the ruffian harlings of the chief priests	6:30
	and the elders set a upon him like a common felon	6:33
	and let led him away to trial and to death.	6:36
	When this happened, his disciples turned	6:40
	and fled for safety into the security of Galilee.	6:43
	Those who had walked closest beside	6:47
	when our fleetest in retreat.	6:50
	Did I say all?	6:54
	No.	6:56
	Peter waited.	6:57
	Halting.	6:59
	Keeping to the shadow.	7:00
	Slow.	7:03
	It is true,	7:04
	but there,	7:06
	and we see him standing in the courtyard,	7:08
	chilled by the icy wind of night without.	7:12
	And chilled by the icy fear that grips within.	7:16
	And one who stands by, taxes him with being a member	7:20
	of the Galileans band.	7:24
	"You here. You were one of them.	7:26
	You were a follower of Jesus of Nazareth."	7:28
	And Peter denied it.	7:31
	Not once, not twice, but three times.	7:32
	And then the cop crowed and he remembered	7:36
	and this is the word that the gospel uses.	7:41
	He remembered, Jesus had been speaking darkly	7:45
	of spilled blood and a scattered flock.	7:50
	And surely the disciples did not understand all	7:53
	of what he meant.	7:56
	Yet even the dullest of them knew that he was speaking	7:57
	of a time of testing and of trial.	8:00
	And Peter always the boldest, always the brashest,	8:03
	protested loudly that though all might desert him.	8:07
	Not he.	8:12
	Not he.	8:13
	Jesus, sadly in reply, had said	8:16
	before the cock crows three times, you will deny me.	8:18
	And now Peter heard the cock crow and he remembered.	8:23
	But what he remembered was more	8:29
	than the sound of the crowing cock.	8:31
	What he remembered was not where he had been	8:34
	or what Jesus had said.	8:36
	He remembered himself.	8:38
	He remembered what he was meant of God to be.	8:41
	He remembered what his destiny was announced in heaven.	8:44
	He heard and he remembered, thus does sensation	8:49
	and memory make captive of us by little things.	8:53
	And we turn the mind, not simply to the past	8:57
	but to try and to discover what we are	9:01
	and who we are.	9:04
	It is at this point	9:06
	that St. Augustine has a word for us.	9:07
	He speaks of the world of memory and he is key keenly aware	9:10
	of the vast store of treasure that is deposited waiting	9:15
	always at the beck and call of our remembrance.	9:19
	For he says,	9:23
	in his confessions,	9:25
	"I come now to the fields and spacious palaces of memory	9:27
	where there a treasure is	9:32
	of innumerable images.	9:35
	For there are stored up, things of all sort,	9:38
	which the senses have brought to us.	9:42
	You see,	9:45
	far more wonderful than	9:47
	that we should remember is what we do remember.	9:48
	And the old saint knew this, so profound in his insight.	9:53
	So disturbing in his knowledge of us.	9:58
	So reassuring in his announcement of faith.	10:01
	For he says	10:05
	from out this,	10:06
	what he calls boundless chamber	10:07
	some things rush forward	10:10
	and others lie hidden	10:13
	and must be sought for longer as if it were	10:15
	they lay in some hidden receptacle.	10:19
	Why is it that some things we remember so easily	10:22
	though they happened only once.	10:26
	That face that you saw fleetingly	10:29
	in a fatal interview so many years ago, which has continued	10:31
	to haunt you.	10:36
	And this see of faces,	10:38
	which washes by you daily as you cross the quadrangle.	10:39
	That have never even assumed the identity	10:42
	of a name to you. Yet they are stored in memory.	10:45
	Why is it we remember some things so easily	10:49
	and some things with such difficulty?	10:52
	Why is it that we taste the tea and remember the child?	10:56
	Why is it that we hear the cock crow and recall the Christ?	11:00
	It is because memory directs us always as St. Augustine knew	11:05
	to try to discover the secret of our identity,	11:10
	who we are and why we are what we are.	11:13
	He gives us an oblique hint.	11:17
	For he says, as he wonders through the halls of memory,	11:20
	"There, I meet myself	11:24
	with myself	11:26
	and I recall myself.	11:28
	But almost at once, he answers	11:31
	and adds honestly,	11:34
	"but I do not comprehend what I find within myself."	11:36
	For the mind turns back in memory to the past	11:41
	but does not find you the pattern or the understanding.	11:44
	Now, this is what we are trying always to do in memory.	11:48
	We take the fragments	11:52
	and the bits and the pieces of the past.	11:54
	And we look at them and we say, what order is here?	11:56
	What reason is here?	12:00
	What pattern is here?	12:02
	For we want there to be order, and reason, and pattern.	12:04
	And this is another way of saying,	12:09
	is there an order or a shape to my life?	12:11
	Can I understand who I am by looking	12:15
	into my past and seeing why this should have happened	12:18
	to me and why I should have come to this place	12:21
	and to this hour, where now I live and move and breathe.	12:25
	What is the meaning of it?	12:30
	And St. Augustine	12:31
	knows this.	12:34
	At the very beginning,	12:36
	in the opening paragraph of his confessions	12:37
	he has given us an oblique hint.	12:41
	For he has said in an outrageous statement of faith,	12:44
	"Thou hast has made us	12:49
	for thy self	12:51
	and our heart shall find repose in thee alone."	12:53
	Now then we begin to understand,	12:58
	and we begin to understand what he has meant	13:01
	when he says, "Later,	13:05
	and so I leave this power of the mind	13:07
	which is mine and which I call memory.	13:10
	And I turned my eyes to that light above.	13:14
	To thee,	13:18
	who abideth	13:19
	beyond me.	13:20
	The sight.	13:22
	The sound,	13:23
	The taste.	13:24
	These things take us back to the past	13:25
	and haunt us with the disturbing chapters	13:27
	of our own existence so that we ask why.	13:30
	But we look at them and we cannot understand.	13:34
	There is no reason.	13:38
	This golden day.	13:41
	Yes, we understand this.	13:42
	It was easy to see where this fit into our life.	13:45
	Understandable that good fortune should happen to us.	13:49
	But this dark moment of betrayal.	13:53
	This hypocrisy lived with	13:56
	so often.	13:59
	This deception practiced so carefully	14:00
	that almost we became comfortable in it.	14:03
	This is not like ourselves, we say.	14:06
	This is not what we are	14:09
	but memory will not release us.	14:12
	We are forced to remember and to consider.	14:14
	And so when we look back at the scraps and pieces	14:17
	of our memory, we are disturbed and we find no order.	14:20
	And we find no reason except we follow the rule	14:24
	of Augustine and look not at the thing, but above it.	14:28
	And at that light which shown down upon it	14:32
	in such clear and lucid fashion	14:36
	that we began	14:40
	for the first time to see the actual shape of it.	14:40
	This is what he did.	14:44
	And this is why nothing is so unimportant	14:46
	that it is without its significance or its place.	14:51
	He writes of a poorly childish prank,	14:55
	of adolescents who strip a pear tree of its fruit.	14:58
	Not for beauty	15:02
	or for hunger,	15:03
	but from wretchedness and littleness of spirit.	15:05
	And this means nothing in itself	15:09
	but understood with reference to the providence of God.	15:11
	This, has meaning.	15:15
	Do you see	15:18
	this is why we can recall totally our past	15:19
	and describe it ever so carefully, and ever so clinically.	15:24
	And yet we have not found the meaning or the order	15:29
	or the pattern to it, except we look beyond that.	15:33
	To the light which has illumined it.	15:37
	Go to then.	15:41
	Are we not saying now that the thing to do finally	15:42
	is just to forget. To push it outta the mind	15:45
	and to push it below the level	15:49
	of waitful consciousness again.	15:51
	Is Saint Augustine not simply saying	15:54
	the thing to do is to remember?	15:56
	No. But to forget.	15:59
	I think not.	16:02
	Actually the power and the magic	16:04
	of memory depends quite as much a pun forgetting.	16:07
	As it depends upon remembering.	16:11
	Now the fragrance	16:15
	of the spruce and the pine is still fresh with you.	16:16
	But do you remember how the stiff coal branches	16:21
	tore the hands and bruised the nail?	16:25
	Or again, you have but to close your eyes	16:29
	and see the glistening snow drifted high	16:33
	in the meadow or the stream that is blocked in ice?	16:37
	And it is a perfect white memory.	16:41
	But do you remember	16:44
	the bone weariness?	16:46
	The cold?	16:50
	When the road wound uphill and night came on fast?	16:52
	Do you see, we remember the perfect day	16:58
	by remembering the significance and the beauty	17:00
	of it? By remembering the meaning of it.	17:03
	Not all. Some we forget and some we remember.	17:05
	This is why a single moment of treachery	17:10
	can cancel out years of seeming friendship.	17:13
	Because all it wants,	17:16
	this base act	17:19
	lays open the heart of the matter	17:20
	or this is why	17:23
	the dinner of herbs	17:25
	can live in the memory as a feast because love was there.	17:27
	Sensation catches and captures us.	17:33
	And we look at the past, but as we look at the past	17:36
	we are doing no more than endeavoring	17:40
	to discover the meaning and the shape of our own selves.	17:42
	And this we cannot do, except we follow the rule	17:46
	of St. Augustine and see not the thing in itself,	17:49
	but that light	17:53
	which makes it known to us,	17:54
	look beyond it so that we see God, but this is	17:56
	but another way of forgetting as well as remembering.	18:00
	This is why,	18:05
	an itenerant teacher could meet a woman by the well,	18:07
	and so lead her relentlessly to	18:13
	look deep and dark into her past,	18:15
	and admit and know all that was written there	18:18
	and yet accept it,	18:22
	because he accepted her.	18:24
	And marvelously found	18:27
	that there was not disturbance, but reassurance.	18:28
	Now this is what the Christian grace	18:33
	inducts us always	18:36
	to do.	18:38
	You remember this time	18:40
	when your heart was torn	18:42
	and the smart of the pain is still with you.	18:44
	And yet, if you look beyond this	18:47
	to the love of God.	18:50
	It becomes possible	18:52
	for you to have used this thing as an occasion	18:53
	to increase your own capacity, to give and to bless.	18:57
	You remember your disgrace, and your failure, and your shame	19:03
	and yet in the very memory of it	19:09
	your mind is stretched and your sympathy is enlarged	19:11
	so that you are keen to hear the piteous cry	19:16
	of one who comes to you	19:19
	for aid.	19:22
	You may remember when injustice was reigned	19:23
	down upon your own hair, then hatred heeped upon you.	19:26
	And so long as you dwell upon this alone.	19:30
	There is bitterness for you to feed upon.	19:33
	And yet, if you begin to see this	19:37
	in the light of God's love.	19:40
	The profile of it is so sharp	19:43
	that the very jagged edge points to that direction	19:45
	where your swift intuition may tell you	19:49
	"here is need."	19:52
	When you may be the agent and the apostle of our Lord.	19:54
	As you reassure,	19:59
	and comfort,	20:01
	and forgive,	20:03
	and assist,	20:05
	and aid.	20:07
	Oh, the past makes us remember.	20:08
	For if we but follow the rule of Augustine,	20:11
	which is indeed the Christian way. We remember and forget.	20:15
	But then it was all said far better in the morning lesson.	20:20
	Do you recall?	20:24
	Forgetting those things, which are behind?	20:26
	Yes, Paul.	20:30
	Forgetting the conflict and the failure	20:32
	and how we have been bigots	20:36
	and how we have been sinners.	20:39
	Forgetting all this.	20:41
	Because looking at our past	20:43
	we have seen not only what we are	20:46
	but we have seen what by God's grace, we can be.	20:49
	And what, by God's grace, we shall be.	20:53
	Unable, completely futile and helpless within ourselves	20:57
	and yet enabled by the gift of his grace.	21:02
	If we take it freely, for freely it be given.	21:05
	Forgetting those things which are behind	21:09
	and looking forward.	21:12
	Yes.	21:14
	Looking forward because having once seen this image	21:15
	of God with which I am stamped	21:19
	and in which I am made, I can see not else.	21:21
	Looking forward, says Paul	21:26
	to this prize of God in Christ Jesus.	21:28
	So,	21:32
	let us speak	21:34
	of Christ.	21:36
	We began with cake and tea.	21:38
	We could have begun at any place.	21:41
	He did.	21:44
	Always.	21:45
	For he knew every moment of time was equidistant	21:46
	from eternity. And so he spoke to man of things eternal.	21:50
	As he talked to them of seeds,	21:55
	and coins,	21:58
	and torn garments,	22:00
	and sheep,	22:02
	and lillies of the field,	22:04
	and birds of the air.	22:06
	He spoke to them always, of how the sensation,	22:09
	the thing.	22:13
	The little scraps and fragments and pieces of your life	22:14
	and mine. This bit of time that is given to you or to me.	22:17
	How this may be the occasion of recalling to us.	22:23
	God,	22:27
	who gave us life	22:28
	and the image of God	22:30
	in which we were made.	22:32
	So distorted now,	22:35
	so tarnished,	22:37
	so twisted,	22:39
	yet not hopelessly lost beyond recall.	22:40
	You see, I speak not of the self remembered.	22:44
	I speak of the soul redeemed. For this is what he said.	22:48
	And one time. Especially, he said it more powerfully	22:53
	and more movingly than ever before.	22:58
	And this time he spoke not in terms of seeds or lilies	23:00
	but he spoke in terms of bread and wine.	23:05
	And he said, let this, this bit of bread, this taste	23:10
	of wine recall me to yourselves.	23:14
	Remembering me.	23:18
	Remember who you are and remembering who you are.	23:20
	Know that you cannot do so, except you remember me.	23:25
	And that you will find no order or no pattern in your life,	23:28
	except you see that which is made possible	23:32
	in the power of God.	23:35
	Which will be able	23:37
	to take the fragments and the pieces of your own life	23:38
	and put them together in design and beauty.	23:41
	Even if you trace at the parts where they're	23:44
	fitted together, the outline of the cross.	23:47
	Remember me and see here in remembrance	23:50
	a pattern in your life.	23:54
	And if it be that there is only an instant black to you,	23:56
	then know that an instant is all that the soul requires	24:01
	and that there is no man too lean, and no place too lowly,	24:06
	and no thing too little to be the occasion	24:11
	of recalling a man	24:15
	to the self that he is.	24:17
	Which is only to recall him to the God,	24:19
	who he is.	24:23
	Almighty God!	24:35
	For whom our souls were made.	24:39
	Call us unto thee.	24:44
	For we are weary of wondering.	24:48
	And we seek security,	24:52
	by peace.	24:54
	"The Lord bless you and to keep you;	24:57
	The Lord make his face to shine upon you,	25:00
	And be gracious unto you.	25:02
	The Lord lift up his countenance upon you,	25:04
	And give you peace."	25:06
	Both now and in the life everlasting.	25:08
	(church humming)	25:17

Item Info

Title:

Stuart C. Henry - "Self - Remembered" (March 15, 1964)

Permalink:

https://idn.duke.edu/ark:/87924/r4qf8pk6w

Date:

March 15, 1964

Speaker:

Henry, Stuart C.

Contributor:

Duke University. Chapel

Identifier:

UA.17.01.0003 RR-0259
ref5723_3yr
uachapelsermaud
duke:627887
dcrau002263
ark:/87924/r4qf8pk6w
8008d31f-31bc-4e27-84bb-cedc461521d9

Digital Collection:

Duke Chapel Recordings

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Duke University Chapel recordings

Language:

English

Location:

United States
North Carolina
Durham (N.C.)

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Provenance:

The Duke University Chapel Recordings were transferred to the Duke University Archives beginning in 1970.

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