Stuart C. Henry - "Self - Remembered" (March 15, 1964)
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Transcript
Transcripts may contain inaccuracies.
(traditional church piano music) | 0:11 | |
(traditional church piano music) | 0:15 | |
(traditional church piano music) | 0:19 | |
(traditional church piano music) | 0:23 | |
(traditional church piano music) | 0:26 | |
(traditional church piano music) | 0:27 | |
(member of congregation coughs) | 0:38 | |
Preacher | In the name of the father, and the son, | 0:42 |
and of the holy ghost. Amen. | 0:45 | |
Sometimes, | 0:58 | |
the smallest key | 0:59 | |
can unlock the door that opens onto vast experience. | 1:03 | |
God does thrust eternity upon a grain of dust | 1:11 | |
or speak to man about the kingdom. | 1:17 | |
In terms of a cup of cold water, | 1:21 | |
freely shared. | 1:24 | |
So let me begin by speaking to you | 1:28 | |
of one who discovered wisdom | 1:31 | |
in a crumb of cake | 1:35 | |
and in the taste of lamb water tea. | 1:39 | |
The individual | 1:43 | |
for whom such unlikely circumstance | 1:46 | |
and such ordinary objects | 1:48 | |
became the occasion of understanding | 1:51 | |
something of the essence of life, | 1:54 | |
was a man of middle years. | 1:57 | |
It happened that as he sat at cakes and tea, | 2:01 | |
he was overcome with an uneasy, disturbing feeling. | 2:06 | |
But he was acting a part that had been played | 2:12 | |
in another place, | 2:16 | |
and at another time. | 2:18 | |
That all of this had somehow happened to him before. | 2:20 | |
And then all at once the fragrance and the taste | 2:26 | |
recall to him another situation | 2:32 | |
and with the magic persistence of memory, the years resolved | 2:36 | |
and he returned to the world of his childhood | 2:42 | |
where he had eaten and drunk, just such fare as this. | 2:46 | |
And he saw again, the village of Cumbrae. | 2:52 | |
Where he used, with his family, to go on vacations | 2:56 | |
in the summer. | 2:59 | |
He saw the shape of the village, and the color | 3:01 | |
of the sky, and the spurs of the churches clean against it. | 3:04 | |
He breathed again the fragrance of the lilac | 3:10 | |
and the Hawthorne, which lined away along | 3:13 | |
which he used to go on the unhurried walks in deep summer. | 3:17 | |
And he saw another roadway that wound | 3:22 | |
beside a river | 3:24 | |
and by a château . | 3:26 | |
He heard once more the voices of those whom he used to greet | 3:29 | |
on his walks. | 3:33 | |
The doctor, the village priest. | 3:35 | |
And as he reconstructed the life in Cumbrae. | 3:39 | |
Most of all he remembered what it was like | 3:42 | |
to be alive there. | 3:46 | |
And he remembered something about himself. | 3:48 | |
Remembered about himself and understood | 3:52 | |
and saw himself, | 3:54 | |
truly in a way | 3:56 | |
that he never had | 3:58 | |
before. | 3:59 | |
Thus can a crumb of cake | 4:02 | |
and a taste of tea conjure up the past | 4:04 | |
and speak to man of truth. | 4:08 | |
But what happened to Marcel Proust, which he has described | 4:13 | |
in remembrance of things past, | 4:16 | |
can and does happen again and again | 4:19 | |
to you and to me. | 4:22 | |
Unexpectedly, we hear a strain | 4:25 | |
of music. Where have we heard it before? | 4:27 | |
And unbidden the walls of our childhood rise up about us. | 4:31 | |
For this was that piece which was played | 4:35 | |
over and over again. | 4:39 | |
As we sat, rested and weary beneath the stern eye | 4:41 | |
of a martinet, waiting for the rehearsal | 4:45 | |
finally to be finished. | 4:48 | |
And we returned to our childhood because of a sound | 4:50 | |
that we have heard. Or we snuff out the candle | 4:54 | |
and the pungent odor | 4:58 | |
of the smoking wick | 4:59 | |
recalls to us again, briefly but vividly | 5:01 | |
that perfect holiday when we were very young | 5:05 | |
and life was all sparkle and star shine. | 5:10 | |
And yet the amazing thing is | 5:15 | |
that we remember always more | 5:18 | |
than the sound of the rhythm or the echo of the direction. | 5:20 | |
We hear the music, | 5:25 | |
but we remember the voices of our childhood. | 5:27 | |
And sometimes even the voices of heaven | 5:30 | |
against which we have stopped our ears, long since. | 5:33 | |
Or we catch the pungent odor of the smoke ascending | 5:38 | |
from the snapped out candle and through the feathery wisps. | 5:43 | |
We see not alone our childhood | 5:47 | |
but we recall our lost innocence | 5:51 | |
and we weep for it. | 5:55 | |
And long to return again | 5:57 | |
to that Eden, | 5:59 | |
our ancient homestead. | 6:00 | |
It is ever thus with memory. | 6:03 | |
The sight, | 6:05 | |
the sound, | 6:06 | |
the taste, | 6:07 | |
the sensation. | 6:08 | |
These things recall to us days long past. | 6:10 | |
And yet the significance is | 6:14 | |
that we remember far more than the thing | 6:16 | |
which we do remember, | 6:19 | |
or let me put it to you this way. | 6:21 | |
When Judas Iscariot foully betrayed Jesus, his master | 6:24 | |
and the ruffian harlings of the chief priests | 6:30 | |
and the elders set a upon him like a common felon | 6:33 | |
and let led him away to trial and to death. | 6:36 | |
When this happened, his disciples turned | 6:40 | |
and fled for safety into the security of Galilee. | 6:43 | |
Those who had walked closest beside | 6:47 | |
when our fleetest in retreat. | 6:50 | |
Did I say all? | 6:54 | |
No. | 6:56 | |
Peter waited. | 6:57 | |
Halting. | 6:59 | |
Keeping to the shadow. | 7:00 | |
Slow. | 7:03 | |
It is true, | 7:04 | |
but there, | 7:06 | |
and we see him standing in the courtyard, | 7:08 | |
chilled by the icy wind of night without. | 7:12 | |
And chilled by the icy fear that grips within. | 7:16 | |
And one who stands by, taxes him with being a member | 7:20 | |
of the Galileans band. | 7:24 | |
"You here. You were one of them. | 7:26 | |
You were a follower of Jesus of Nazareth." | 7:28 | |
And Peter denied it. | 7:31 | |
Not once, not twice, but three times. | 7:32 | |
And then the cop crowed and he remembered | 7:36 | |
and this is the word that the gospel uses. | 7:41 | |
He remembered, Jesus had been speaking darkly | 7:45 | |
of spilled blood and a scattered flock. | 7:50 | |
And surely the disciples did not understand all | 7:53 | |
of what he meant. | 7:56 | |
Yet even the dullest of them knew that he was speaking | 7:57 | |
of a time of testing and of trial. | 8:00 | |
And Peter always the boldest, always the brashest, | 8:03 | |
protested loudly that though all might desert him. | 8:07 | |
Not he. | 8:12 | |
Not he. | 8:13 | |
Jesus, sadly in reply, had said | 8:16 | |
before the cock crows three times, you will deny me. | 8:18 | |
And now Peter heard the cock crow and he remembered. | 8:23 | |
But what he remembered was more | 8:29 | |
than the sound of the crowing cock. | 8:31 | |
What he remembered was not where he had been | 8:34 | |
or what Jesus had said. | 8:36 | |
He remembered himself. | 8:38 | |
He remembered what he was meant of God to be. | 8:41 | |
He remembered what his destiny was announced in heaven. | 8:44 | |
He heard and he remembered, thus does sensation | 8:49 | |
and memory make captive of us by little things. | 8:53 | |
And we turn the mind, not simply to the past | 8:57 | |
but to try and to discover what we are | 9:01 | |
and who we are. | 9:04 | |
It is at this point | 9:06 | |
that St. Augustine has a word for us. | 9:07 | |
He speaks of the world of memory and he is key keenly aware | 9:10 | |
of the vast store of treasure that is deposited waiting | 9:15 | |
always at the beck and call of our remembrance. | 9:19 | |
For he says, | 9:23 | |
in his confessions, | 9:25 | |
"I come now to the fields and spacious palaces of memory | 9:27 | |
where there a treasure is | 9:32 | |
of innumerable images. | 9:35 | |
For there are stored up, things of all sort, | 9:38 | |
which the senses have brought to us. | 9:42 | |
You see, | 9:45 | |
far more wonderful than | 9:47 | |
that we should remember is what we do remember. | 9:48 | |
And the old saint knew this, so profound in his insight. | 9:53 | |
So disturbing in his knowledge of us. | 9:58 | |
So reassuring in his announcement of faith. | 10:01 | |
For he says | 10:05 | |
from out this, | 10:06 | |
what he calls boundless chamber | 10:07 | |
some things rush forward | 10:10 | |
and others lie hidden | 10:13 | |
and must be sought for longer as if it were | 10:15 | |
they lay in some hidden receptacle. | 10:19 | |
Why is it that some things we remember so easily | 10:22 | |
though they happened only once. | 10:26 | |
That face that you saw fleetingly | 10:29 | |
in a fatal interview so many years ago, which has continued | 10:31 | |
to haunt you. | 10:36 | |
And this see of faces, | 10:38 | |
which washes by you daily as you cross the quadrangle. | 10:39 | |
That have never even assumed the identity | 10:42 | |
of a name to you. Yet they are stored in memory. | 10:45 | |
Why is it we remember some things so easily | 10:49 | |
and some things with such difficulty? | 10:52 | |
Why is it that we taste the tea and remember the child? | 10:56 | |
Why is it that we hear the cock crow and recall the Christ? | 11:00 | |
It is because memory directs us always as St. Augustine knew | 11:05 | |
to try to discover the secret of our identity, | 11:10 | |
who we are and why we are what we are. | 11:13 | |
He gives us an oblique hint. | 11:17 | |
For he says, as he wonders through the halls of memory, | 11:20 | |
"There, I meet myself | 11:24 | |
with myself | 11:26 | |
and I recall myself. | 11:28 | |
But almost at once, he answers | 11:31 | |
and adds honestly, | 11:34 | |
"but I do not comprehend what I find within myself." | 11:36 | |
For the mind turns back in memory to the past | 11:41 | |
but does not find you the pattern or the understanding. | 11:44 | |
Now, this is what we are trying always to do in memory. | 11:48 | |
We take the fragments | 11:52 | |
and the bits and the pieces of the past. | 11:54 | |
And we look at them and we say, what order is here? | 11:56 | |
What reason is here? | 12:00 | |
What pattern is here? | 12:02 | |
For we want there to be order, and reason, and pattern. | 12:04 | |
And this is another way of saying, | 12:09 | |
is there an order or a shape to my life? | 12:11 | |
Can I understand who I am by looking | 12:15 | |
into my past and seeing why this should have happened | 12:18 | |
to me and why I should have come to this place | 12:21 | |
and to this hour, where now I live and move and breathe. | 12:25 | |
What is the meaning of it? | 12:30 | |
And St. Augustine | 12:31 | |
knows this. | 12:34 | |
At the very beginning, | 12:36 | |
in the opening paragraph of his confessions | 12:37 | |
he has given us an oblique hint. | 12:41 | |
For he has said in an outrageous statement of faith, | 12:44 | |
"Thou hast has made us | 12:49 | |
for thy self | 12:51 | |
and our heart shall find repose in thee alone." | 12:53 | |
Now then we begin to understand, | 12:58 | |
and we begin to understand what he has meant | 13:01 | |
when he says, "Later, | 13:05 | |
and so I leave this power of the mind | 13:07 | |
which is mine and which I call memory. | 13:10 | |
And I turned my eyes to that light above. | 13:14 | |
To thee, | 13:18 | |
who abideth | 13:19 | |
beyond me. | 13:20 | |
The sight. | 13:22 | |
The sound, | 13:23 | |
The taste. | 13:24 | |
These things take us back to the past | 13:25 | |
and haunt us with the disturbing chapters | 13:27 | |
of our own existence so that we ask why. | 13:30 | |
But we look at them and we cannot understand. | 13:34 | |
There is no reason. | 13:38 | |
This golden day. | 13:41 | |
Yes, we understand this. | 13:42 | |
It was easy to see where this fit into our life. | 13:45 | |
Understandable that good fortune should happen to us. | 13:49 | |
But this dark moment of betrayal. | 13:53 | |
This hypocrisy lived with | 13:56 | |
so often. | 13:59 | |
This deception practiced so carefully | 14:00 | |
that almost we became comfortable in it. | 14:03 | |
This is not like ourselves, we say. | 14:06 | |
This is not what we are | 14:09 | |
but memory will not release us. | 14:12 | |
We are forced to remember and to consider. | 14:14 | |
And so when we look back at the scraps and pieces | 14:17 | |
of our memory, we are disturbed and we find no order. | 14:20 | |
And we find no reason except we follow the rule | 14:24 | |
of Augustine and look not at the thing, but above it. | 14:28 | |
And at that light which shown down upon it | 14:32 | |
in such clear and lucid fashion | 14:36 | |
that we began | 14:40 | |
for the first time to see the actual shape of it. | 14:40 | |
This is what he did. | 14:44 | |
And this is why nothing is so unimportant | 14:46 | |
that it is without its significance or its place. | 14:51 | |
He writes of a poorly childish prank, | 14:55 | |
of adolescents who strip a pear tree of its fruit. | 14:58 | |
Not for beauty | 15:02 | |
or for hunger, | 15:03 | |
but from wretchedness and littleness of spirit. | 15:05 | |
And this means nothing in itself | 15:09 | |
but understood with reference to the providence of God. | 15:11 | |
This, has meaning. | 15:15 | |
Do you see | 15:18 | |
this is why we can recall totally our past | 15:19 | |
and describe it ever so carefully, and ever so clinically. | 15:24 | |
And yet we have not found the meaning or the order | 15:29 | |
or the pattern to it, except we look beyond that. | 15:33 | |
To the light which has illumined it. | 15:37 | |
Go to then. | 15:41 | |
Are we not saying now that the thing to do finally | 15:42 | |
is just to forget. To push it outta the mind | 15:45 | |
and to push it below the level | 15:49 | |
of waitful consciousness again. | 15:51 | |
Is Saint Augustine not simply saying | 15:54 | |
the thing to do is to remember? | 15:56 | |
No. But to forget. | 15:59 | |
I think not. | 16:02 | |
Actually the power and the magic | 16:04 | |
of memory depends quite as much a pun forgetting. | 16:07 | |
As it depends upon remembering. | 16:11 | |
Now the fragrance | 16:15 | |
of the spruce and the pine is still fresh with you. | 16:16 | |
But do you remember how the stiff coal branches | 16:21 | |
tore the hands and bruised the nail? | 16:25 | |
Or again, you have but to close your eyes | 16:29 | |
and see the glistening snow drifted high | 16:33 | |
in the meadow or the stream that is blocked in ice? | 16:37 | |
And it is a perfect white memory. | 16:41 | |
But do you remember | 16:44 | |
the bone weariness? | 16:46 | |
The cold? | 16:50 | |
When the road wound uphill and night came on fast? | 16:52 | |
Do you see, we remember the perfect day | 16:58 | |
by remembering the significance and the beauty | 17:00 | |
of it? By remembering the meaning of it. | 17:03 | |
Not all. Some we forget and some we remember. | 17:05 | |
This is why a single moment of treachery | 17:10 | |
can cancel out years of seeming friendship. | 17:13 | |
Because all it wants, | 17:16 | |
this base act | 17:19 | |
lays open the heart of the matter | 17:20 | |
or this is why | 17:23 | |
the dinner of herbs | 17:25 | |
can live in the memory as a feast because love was there. | 17:27 | |
Sensation catches and captures us. | 17:33 | |
And we look at the past, but as we look at the past | 17:36 | |
we are doing no more than endeavoring | 17:40 | |
to discover the meaning and the shape of our own selves. | 17:42 | |
And this we cannot do, except we follow the rule | 17:46 | |
of St. Augustine and see not the thing in itself, | 17:49 | |
but that light | 17:53 | |
which makes it known to us, | 17:54 | |
look beyond it so that we see God, but this is | 17:56 | |
but another way of forgetting as well as remembering. | 18:00 | |
This is why, | 18:05 | |
an itenerant teacher could meet a woman by the well, | 18:07 | |
and so lead her relentlessly to | 18:13 | |
look deep and dark into her past, | 18:15 | |
and admit and know all that was written there | 18:18 | |
and yet accept it, | 18:22 | |
because he accepted her. | 18:24 | |
And marvelously found | 18:27 | |
that there was not disturbance, but reassurance. | 18:28 | |
Now this is what the Christian grace | 18:33 | |
inducts us always | 18:36 | |
to do. | 18:38 | |
You remember this time | 18:40 | |
when your heart was torn | 18:42 | |
and the smart of the pain is still with you. | 18:44 | |
And yet, if you look beyond this | 18:47 | |
to the love of God. | 18:50 | |
It becomes possible | 18:52 | |
for you to have used this thing as an occasion | 18:53 | |
to increase your own capacity, to give and to bless. | 18:57 | |
You remember your disgrace, and your failure, and your shame | 19:03 | |
and yet in the very memory of it | 19:09 | |
your mind is stretched and your sympathy is enlarged | 19:11 | |
so that you are keen to hear the piteous cry | 19:16 | |
of one who comes to you | 19:19 | |
for aid. | 19:22 | |
You may remember when injustice was reigned | 19:23 | |
down upon your own hair, then hatred heeped upon you. | 19:26 | |
And so long as you dwell upon this alone. | 19:30 | |
There is bitterness for you to feed upon. | 19:33 | |
And yet, if you begin to see this | 19:37 | |
in the light of God's love. | 19:40 | |
The profile of it is so sharp | 19:43 | |
that the very jagged edge points to that direction | 19:45 | |
where your swift intuition may tell you | 19:49 | |
"here is need." | 19:52 | |
When you may be the agent and the apostle of our Lord. | 19:54 | |
As you reassure, | 19:59 | |
and comfort, | 20:01 | |
and forgive, | 20:03 | |
and assist, | 20:05 | |
and aid. | 20:07 | |
Oh, the past makes us remember. | 20:08 | |
For if we but follow the rule of Augustine, | 20:11 | |
which is indeed the Christian way. We remember and forget. | 20:15 | |
But then it was all said far better in the morning lesson. | 20:20 | |
Do you recall? | 20:24 | |
Forgetting those things, which are behind? | 20:26 | |
Yes, Paul. | 20:30 | |
Forgetting the conflict and the failure | 20:32 | |
and how we have been bigots | 20:36 | |
and how we have been sinners. | 20:39 | |
Forgetting all this. | 20:41 | |
Because looking at our past | 20:43 | |
we have seen not only what we are | 20:46 | |
but we have seen what by God's grace, we can be. | 20:49 | |
And what, by God's grace, we shall be. | 20:53 | |
Unable, completely futile and helpless within ourselves | 20:57 | |
and yet enabled by the gift of his grace. | 21:02 | |
If we take it freely, for freely it be given. | 21:05 | |
Forgetting those things which are behind | 21:09 | |
and looking forward. | 21:12 | |
Yes. | 21:14 | |
Looking forward because having once seen this image | 21:15 | |
of God with which I am stamped | 21:19 | |
and in which I am made, I can see not else. | 21:21 | |
Looking forward, says Paul | 21:26 | |
to this prize of God in Christ Jesus. | 21:28 | |
So, | 21:32 | |
let us speak | 21:34 | |
of Christ. | 21:36 | |
We began with cake and tea. | 21:38 | |
We could have begun at any place. | 21:41 | |
He did. | 21:44 | |
Always. | 21:45 | |
For he knew every moment of time was equidistant | 21:46 | |
from eternity. And so he spoke to man of things eternal. | 21:50 | |
As he talked to them of seeds, | 21:55 | |
and coins, | 21:58 | |
and torn garments, | 22:00 | |
and sheep, | 22:02 | |
and lillies of the field, | 22:04 | |
and birds of the air. | 22:06 | |
He spoke to them always, of how the sensation, | 22:09 | |
the thing. | 22:13 | |
The little scraps and fragments and pieces of your life | 22:14 | |
and mine. This bit of time that is given to you or to me. | 22:17 | |
How this may be the occasion of recalling to us. | 22:23 | |
God, | 22:27 | |
who gave us life | 22:28 | |
and the image of God | 22:30 | |
in which we were made. | 22:32 | |
So distorted now, | 22:35 | |
so tarnished, | 22:37 | |
so twisted, | 22:39 | |
yet not hopelessly lost beyond recall. | 22:40 | |
You see, I speak not of the self remembered. | 22:44 | |
I speak of the soul redeemed. For this is what he said. | 22:48 | |
And one time. Especially, he said it more powerfully | 22:53 | |
and more movingly than ever before. | 22:58 | |
And this time he spoke not in terms of seeds or lilies | 23:00 | |
but he spoke in terms of bread and wine. | 23:05 | |
And he said, let this, this bit of bread, this taste | 23:10 | |
of wine recall me to yourselves. | 23:14 | |
Remembering me. | 23:18 | |
Remember who you are and remembering who you are. | 23:20 | |
Know that you cannot do so, except you remember me. | 23:25 | |
And that you will find no order or no pattern in your life, | 23:28 | |
except you see that which is made possible | 23:32 | |
in the power of God. | 23:35 | |
Which will be able | 23:37 | |
to take the fragments and the pieces of your own life | 23:38 | |
and put them together in design and beauty. | 23:41 | |
Even if you trace at the parts where they're | 23:44 | |
fitted together, the outline of the cross. | 23:47 | |
Remember me and see here in remembrance | 23:50 | |
a pattern in your life. | 23:54 | |
And if it be that there is only an instant black to you, | 23:56 | |
then know that an instant is all that the soul requires | 24:01 | |
and that there is no man too lean, and no place too lowly, | 24:06 | |
and no thing too little to be the occasion | 24:11 | |
of recalling a man | 24:15 | |
to the self that he is. | 24:17 | |
Which is only to recall him to the God, | 24:19 | |
who he is. | 24:23 | |
Almighty God! | 24:35 | |
For whom our souls were made. | 24:39 | |
Call us unto thee. | 24:44 | |
For we are weary of wondering. | 24:48 | |
And we seek security, | 24:52 | |
by peace. | 24:54 | |
"The Lord bless you and to keep you; | 24:57 | |
The Lord make his face to shine upon you, | 25:00 | |
And be gracious unto you. | 25:02 | |
The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, | 25:04 | |
And give you peace." | 25:06 | |
Both now and in the life everlasting. | 25:08 | |
(church humming) | 25:17 |